……when you were closer in time to your introduction (or reintroduction) to this world. Whether you knew it or not you had something like a divine awareness and hence you slept the sleep of the assurance of yourself in the proper order of things, that everything had a rightness and a comfort therein, that things were well and were meant to be so, and you knew little of the divergence yet to come. Those days of assurance (which was also the beginning of a divergence from that ideal) might have been so long ago that you were then a child, a teen, or if you were lucky, perhaps you still retained some sense of it even into some portion of your years as a young adult.
So what has happened in the years since then? You began to know more of and learn more about this world, not just the new and different, but increasingly the sameness of the world: of earning a living, of gaining and losing, of repetition, and crucially of the notion of a near daily quest to gain or regain that which you were taught to believe is now missing. This repetition of the mundane is an aspect of basic survival, which for many of us, also includes ambition, from which came about the divergence from, and for some of us the actual separation from, that which we formerly knew was blissfully whole (you slept well at night!). This separation is reflected in a multitude of things as we have come to live them; in the protracted and burdensome constructs of survival and ambition ….on the one hand a person is fortunate to have a mortgage and retirement plan, on the other hand things of that sort just by their nature tend to relegate ‘security’ to a never-ending series of incremental trials …for instance, “can I make the mortgage payment next month?”
When you knew in the promise of your youth that all was fundamentally right, you slept the sleep of the assured even while in waking you were increasingly taught to believe through the years of mortal joy and sadness, of loss and toil and its repetition, that you were only chasing a dream. And in the sameness of repetition, the world has formalized this divergence, whole industries and catch-words have grown around it …. e.g., ‘anxiety’, ‘depression’ , ‘the holiday blues’.
So what to take from today’s repetition, and what to make of tomorrow’s and the next days’? We are already hauntingly aware of the memory of the long ago assurance we once knew; …….so for today, for just a singular moment before you breathe and walk and talk the repetition, remind yourself your assurance is complete and you were already living it before you were taught to believe it is only an idealized or fleetingly elusive dream for you to chase. You have been living correctly all along in all things that essentially matter, you just stopped believing it over time.
For today, know and believe in the never-ending light of assurance; that it always was and is, ….and do that before you begin today’s litany of repetition.
As for tomorrow and the next day: …because the world is always changing and so are you, visualize instead a not too distant future in which you look back and know that in the unfolding of yesterday (which in the present is today) all was well even when it was not, and that you could have and should have slept the sleep of the assured.